Between stimulus and response there is a space.
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Something pivotal in the journey of self-discovery, is the moment we learn about reactivity. To be ‘reactive’ is to be acting in response to something else. ‘Re-’ to infer repetition, again, or backwards and ‘active’, engaging in something. So quite literally, we are acting towards something beforehand. The reason this is highlighted is because seemingly most of conversations are not two people talking to each other, but two people talking at each other. There is a lack of listening, a lack of space. When there is no listening, there is no learning, only time to dig our heels into what we already know and push that knowledge onto the other person. What is most interesting, is that we don’t even realise when we are doing it.
Have you ever heard the advice ‘wait three seconds before answering someone’? This is because waiting allows space. Instead of responding from our ego, our reactive mind, we are giving ourselves time to genuinely consider the question being posited. The same can be said for any moment in which we are met with an opportunity to respond, be it a person cutting in line, our pet not listening to us, a task we don’t want to do but needs to be done. These are all moments we are given to test how we will respond. Instead of reacting, instead of responding how you’ve always responded, find space to consider how you actually want to respond. You may surprise yourself.
This can be a vulnerable space for people, perhaps we don’t know how to respond, perhaps our genuine response brings up negative emotions that we don’t want to deal with. The reason we are met with these situations, the reason we are asked to be genuine and vulnerable in our response, is to work through these questions: how do I want to respond? Why am I feeling this way? What does this situation remind me of from my past?
By answering those questions we grow and move forward, we release ourselves from past negativities and become more of who we truly are. We become ourselves in the present moment. And that is all we can ever really be.